The Internet is full of so many poor decisions. Posts people have made can come back to haunt them costing them jobs, relationships, and more. But I wonder if there’s some value in that, which is why I’m sharing my shame on the Internet.
Technically Speaking, Aren’t We All Boneheaded
So it wasn’t very long ago I did something boneheaded: I put a post on Facebook detailing my concerns about a political candidate. What’s worse, I made a very righteous declaration in it (or more the absence of righteousness?) In any respect, it was a wrong decision, that I’ve since disavowed.
Yet, I’m keeping the post up. I’ve even made it public as you can see in the link above. I’ve done this even though it embarrasses me, sickens me, and saddens me. As I’ve said previously, it felt that in trying to stand up for kindness and compassion, I lost both.
So You’re Keeping It?
I’m sure you are wondering, if it’s so embarrassing, why do I keep it up? The answer is simple: it’s a mistake I’d rather own up to. I could try to hide it, ignore it, and pretend it never happened, but it doesn’t change the truth. I messed up. I’m human. The more I try to pretend I’m not, the more I have to live up to a standard I can’t meet. And the more I show how human I am, the more others might see that they’re okay as they are.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no paragon of virtue. I’m so far from that, I don’t even know what a paragon is (I don’t even know what a single gon is). I am sure there are things that I won’t want to share and may not share. But I also think it’s better to share one thing than nothing at all.
Living in a Giant Crater
I had a moment in my life where I felt like I was making the worst possible choices that had bigger consequences for me and the people around me. I ended up alienating so many people that I had few people to rely on. It was my own personal armageddon.
Coming out of that crater, I felt judged, isolated, and in desperate need of compassion. It was scarce and extremely infrequent. And so I became very private. Even when I knew I was making better choices, choices that aligned more with who I want to be, I always feared that judgement, like the child who doesn’t go for the cookie on the counter because he is afraid of getting his hand smacked.
So I remained quiet and private which only made me more isolated. I made mistakes – many mistakes – but I feel they became fewer and fewer and of less consequence.
A Change for the Better
But that’s not the person I want to be. I don’t want to be isolated. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t want to put on a cape and act like I’m perfect when I’ve got a pile of dirt stuck under the rug.
So I’m leaving the post up. I’m admitting my shame. I’m admitting my hubris, my piousness, and the fact that I let fear and anger control me. I’m admitting that I sadly, but ironically, posted something because I felt someone lacked empathy and compassion while the post itself did exactly that. It will stand as a beacon to my humanity.
A More See Thru World
Maybe this is a turning point for us. Maybe this lack of transparency has a strong upside. Maybe it’s an opportunity for us to showcase that we are human so that other humans can accept us, warts and all. Maybe it’s time to stop pretending we’re perfect. It’s a great stretch goal, but the best way to attain it is to be honest, and show how imperfect we truly are.