There are a lot of people saying not to judge out there. I’m one of them. But I have to admit: it is the best way to highlight someone’s flaws.
A Crash Course on Judging
What is judging? It’s simply passing a right or wrong value on someone’s actions. When we see someone disciplining their kids in a certain way, and we determine if they choose the right or wrong method, we are judging.
When we see someone in a relationship do a particular thing and we determine that the way they did it is wrong, that’s judging.
Instead of Harmful or Helpful
It’s not about harmful or helpful; it’s about good or bad. Judging is about deciding how good or bad someone is based on their actions.
For instance, if you have a friend that has the same patterns of behavior in relationships where they end up sabotaging those relationships, you may be inclined to help because you see they are harming themselves. You may ask for more detail to make sure and then ask them if they are seeing the same thing and getting the results they want.
Judgment on the other hand has already decided they are wrong. It has already decided they are doing something bad. It’s goal is not to help them but to help ourselves.
See, we are all human. We all make mistakes. And it seems we all have things about us that we don’t particularly like. So we all struggle with feeling inadequate. Often we judge others and point out their flaws so we can feel better about ourselves.
My Original Point
Which is why judging is so great about pointing out flaws: it points out ours. It shows others that we don’t feel like we measure up. It shows others that we feel inadequate. It’s like a big neon sign saying, “I don’t like myself”.
So if you want to highlight the flaws in your life, try judging people. It will shine a big old spotlight into those deep dark places you don’t want people to see.
If, on the other hand, you want to accept others as being equal and having circumstances you just don’t understand, you can just treat them as people. Let them sort out their own life and you sort out yours. After all, who needs a spotlight shining on all the things we dislike about ourselves? Why not spend that time shining a spotlight on all the good things people do to help make them feel better about themselves? You may find that they might do the same.